So I'm dead; but who's gonna raise my boy?

Always an unpleasant scenario that runs through every father's head at some point in their lives. Unpleasant because deep down, every parent wants to outlive their kid. Do you want to die? No of course not. To quote Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket "Better you than me".
So god forbid I take my dirt nap before my offspring is adultified, here is my fantasy team of second-stringers to take my place.

* My Two Dads.
a) one has a briefcase, one has a beard and wifebeater....that's just so formulaically wacky need I say more?
b) yes I do...that big loft apartment with that purple couch thing; hot hot hot.
c) Staci Keanan. grrrowl.
d) Greg Evigan's trucker monkey

* John 'Red' Shea
He was a kid that grew up in South Boston, great with his fists...maybe could have gone pro...instead he began dealing drugs and dabbling in other gangstery deeds under the tutelage of one Whitey Bulger. He fucked up his life in many respects, but when the Federal hammer came down, he never ratted on his friends, foes or anyone in between from Southie, unlike everybody else associated with King Rat Bulger.
He did 12 years in prison for dealing....nobody gets a sentence like that their 1st time in front of a judge. Red got it because unlike guys like Henry Hill, he wouldn't talk, and the federal government hates that. They like their defendants all talkie then walkie.
Granted I dont want my kid to be a criminal fuckup, but the ability to beat the shit out of people at age 12 and being a dependable guy who keeps his word is a nice asset.

*Barn Animals
Junior is leaving doors open and tracking mud into the house constantly?
"What! Were you raised in a ba- oh goddamn your father and his stupid will"
Take that, baby-momma.

*Ghost Me
I don't see why my own premature demise should keep me from raising my own son. I am agnostic, I have no set belief in what happens to the soul/spirit/my wallet after death, but if I can float around and walk through walls Swayze-style, then I can sure show my boy how to drive stick.

*The Internet
I don't see a problem with this.

*Ghost of Henry Fonda
Downside = Was emotionally distant from his own children, not endowed with life.
Upside = He was Mister Roberts!
Come on Henry, the loons! the loons!